What About Us?
by Meg0613
Summary: What does the future hold for Barson after Barba's trial? Can Liv forgive him for risking their future? What does it mean for them if he moves on? Can Liv trust him to be there when she needs him? Will be a multi part (and full of angst).
1. Chapter 1

What about Us?

Set around the events of Undiscovered Country.

Chapter One

What about us?

What about all the times you said you had the answers?

What about us?

What about all the broken happy ever afters?

What about us?

What about all the plans that ended in disaster?

What about love? What about trust?

What about us?

Pink

Rafael poured himself another glass of scotch as he stared out the window. How many nights had he spent waiting for a verdict? More than he could count, but no wait was like the wait he was in tonight. Never before had his future depended on what a jury would find. Peter Stone had done his job well, getting him to admit that he felt guilty. It was exactly what he would have done if he had been prosecuting. He had kept his eyes fixed on Liv during his testimony but at that point he looked away unable to take the fear that he knew would be on her face. She had not missed a day of the trial. His mother hadn't come, she was still too angry at him. She loved him, but her Catholic faith could not accept what he had done.

His phone buzzed on the counter again, he looked down already knowing it was Olivia. She had called him six times since they had left court and sent him five text. As the phone stopped buzzing it was followed by a knock at his door.

'Damn it Rafa, I know you are home, let me in." He heard her say from the other side of the door. She was persistent he had to give her that. He reluctantly went and let her in.

"Liv, I'm sorry but I told you that I wanted to be alone tonight." He told her but she was already stepping past him dropping her coat over the back of his couch and taking off her gloves.

'Well, heaven forbid we think about someone other than you and what you want." She snapped.

"Yes, sorry if I'm being a little self-centered before I face life in prison." He retorted.

"Oh, so now you are concerned about the consequences of your actions. It's a little late for that Rafael." She continued.

Rafael made his way back to the counter to his glass of scotch readying himself for the fight that he knew was coming.

"I told you Liv, sometimes you have to do what's right regardless of the consequences." He reminded her.

"The consequences to whom?" She demanded, "To those parents? The baby? Yourself?" She paused for a second before continuing, "Did you think about me at all? About Noah? Do you know what it's going to him if you are suddenly gone from his life" She paused again, "Did you think about us Rafa?"

"Us you and Noah or us you are me?" He asked stepping closer to her motioning between them. "I didn't know I was supposed to be thinking about us. I have spent years trying not to think about us." He confessed his voice growing louder.

''Any of us, any of the people that love you and count on you Rafael. You are supposed to be the person I can count on, you are the one with the answers. You are supposed to be the one…" She stopped and walked back to the couch gathering her coat and gloves, "Never mind, it doesn't matter anymore." 

"What was I supposed to be Liv? Who do you want me to be?" He pushed.

"You were supposed to be the person I was squabbling with at eighty five." She yelled, "But I wasn't even someone you thought about before you decided to risk everything."

"I'm sorry Liv, in that moment I wasn't thinking about anything other than that baby and his suffering. But today in court when Stone asked me if I felt guilty and I said yes it wasn't because I think what I did was wrong. I feel guilty because of the fall out of what I have done, the pain that I have caused you and because I might have cost us our future."

Tears began to stream down Liv's face, "Our future? Fuck you Rafael Barba, fuck you standing there now talking about us having a future. There is no future because you might be going to jail tomorrow, because for your midlife crisis you decided to reject the thing you have spent your life defending. "

"What Liv, you are the only one allowed to take risk? How many times do you walk straight into the line of fire consequences be damned? Are you thinking about our future when you do that? About me or Noah?" He yelled fighting back his own tears.

"Every damn day Rafael. Every day I know it could be the last that Noah has me. Every day I know I could walk into a situation I can't get out of, and I know that things might go left unsaid. That's my job though Rafael and I made peace with it a long time ago. This wasn't your job, you didn't need to be the hero or martyr here." 

"I wasn't trying to be a hero or a martyr, I just had to do it Liv, in that moment it was all I knew to do." He said softly stepping closer.

"And if this is the end of us? Was it worth it?" She asked him.

"The end of what us Liv? What is it you think you are losing?" He pushed her to go further.

"My best friend…" She whispered then paused stepping closer and placing a hand on his chest, "and my future."

"I have no future to offer you Liv, but I have tonight. I can give you all of me for tonight." He whispered placing his hands on her face. "Just for tonight Liv, can I have all of you?"

Olivia studied his eyes for a minute asking herself if she would be able to live without him once she had him. What would tomorrow bring when she could no longer feel his breath on her face and the warmth of his touch. To allow herself to have all of him and then to have none of him would be a heartbreak like she had never known. It could not compare to the regret she would feel if she turned and walked away from him tonight.

"I'm yours." She told him. The words had barely left her lips when she felt his engulf hers. She was taken back only for a moment by the passion in his kiss until she allowed all of hers to meet his. Rafael pushed them against the wall of his living room in an effort to keep them both steady ad their hands and lips explored each other in a fury of emotion. Both of their shirts were quickly discarded as they need to feel more of each other. Rafael stepped back to look at her.

"You are beautiful, Olivia. Not just now but all the time, you are always beautiful in every way." He told her before kissing her again. He felt her hand reach for the zipper of his pants and he let out as slowly stepped back realizing he did not want what would be their first and possible only time to be against the wall of his living room. "Come with me." He said taking her hand and guiding her to his bedroom.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" He asked her.

She answered him by removing her bra before she wrapped herself fully around him. He lifted her and carried her to the bed laying her on it and settling himself over her taking in every part of promising himself he would remember every moment of it, but soon he was too lost in her to think anymore.

BarsonBarsonBarsonBarson

"So you really are moving on." She said fighting back tears as she stood in his apartment the day after the trial surrounded by boxes and suitcases. "There never was going to be a future for us was there Rafael? You never wanted a future with me."

"Liv, I do want a future with you. I want it more than anything." He begged her to understand.

"Rafael, you want to a future with me, but you are running away? My future us here, with Noah and I thought with you."

"Liv, I'm not running away this organization needs me and I need it. Working with refugees and other people who are trying to escape horrible situations and come to our country. It's a chance for me to make a difference and clear my head, figure out what my future holds."

"And if you find out that your future doesn't hold me?" She asked no longer fighting the tears.

'"Liv, you and Noah are the future that I want, but I need to know what else it holds for me. I need to do this, please Liv tell me that you have my back." He begged her taking her hands in his.

"How long will you be gone?" she asked.

"Six months, then I will be home." He promised her. "I leave in the morning."

Olivia, "I will always have your back Rafa, you should know that by now." She said pressing her lips to his.

"Stay with me tonight, Liv." He whispered kissing her softly.

Olivia placed her hand on his chest and shook her head, "No, Rafael, I gave you all of me and you are leaving. As your friend I can support you but I can't do this again if you can't give me all of you." She kissed him one more time before stepping back. "Good bye Rafa, I will see you when you get back." She slowly walked from him. She hailed a cab collapsing into it as sobs took over her body, she glanced back up at his building where he had followed after her and was standing on the steps watching her drive away.

TBC


	2. Always Yours

What about Us?

Chapter Two

I was a boat stuck in a bottle

That never got the chance to touch the sea

Just forgot on the shelf

No wind in the sails

Going no where with no one but me

I was one in one-hundred billion

A burned out star in a galaxy

Just lost in the sky wondering why

Everyone else shines out but me

But

I came to life when I first kissed you

The best me has his arms around you

You make me better than I was before

Thank God I'm yours

I was a worn out set of shoes

Wandering the city street

Another face in the crowd

Head looking down

Lost in the sound of a lonely melody

Empty pockets at a roulette

Always landing on a lost bet

Just live for the spin and hope for the win

Go all in just to lose again

Russel Dickerson

The first couple of weeks were spent in a fog and slowly turned into a month that he had been gone. A month of not hearing his voice or seeing his face. She knew she wouldn't hear from him at first because of training and travel but it didn't make it any easier. She was still angry at him, but at the same time she understood why he had to go. He was searching right now and she owed him the chance to find what he needed. None of that changed how much she missed him though.

"Will Uncle Rafa be at my soccer game this weekend?" Noah asked over breakfast one morning, "There are only three games left in the season."

Olivia looked at him and sighed she had done her best to explain to him how long Rafael would be gone but there was only so much that a five year old could understand. "No, my Love, remember he is going to be gone for a while."

"How long?" He asked again.

"Well, you have to finish pre-K and have your summer break, and then he should be back before you start kindergarten." She told him doing her best to put it in terms he could understand.

"That's a long time, Momma. Why is he going to be gone so long?" He questioned.

"He's helping people Noah. People who need him." She explained and changed the subject, "Come on now my love, we need to get to school."

After dropping Noah at school she stopped for a cup of coffee, she had found a new cart it was too painful to go to their old cart. She did her best to avoid memories of him. That of course was impossible because memories of him were everywhere. You never realize how much someone is intertwined in your life until they are gone. She greeted her team as she walked through the squad room to her office dropping her things and turning on her laptop to check her email. Her heat skipped when she saw his name at the top.

 _Dear Liv,_

 _I'm sorry I haven't written before, the training was so intense I barely had time to sleep then we were traveling. We are settled in for a while now though. I am in Turkey and will be here for a couple of months as I begin to take on some client refugees. The process of relocating them to the U.S. is hard and the current administration is not making it easier. It's good work though Liv, I don't have to ask myself what the right thing to do is, I just have to fight for my clients. Fight to get them a better life, a safe life. Liv, there are so many children here, it would break your heart. When I look at them I see Noah and I think about what I would want someone to do for him._

 _I miss you Liv, more than I can say. I know that I have hurt you Liv and if there was any way that I could change that I would. I hope that you can forgive me. I meant what I said before I left Liv, you are the future that I want, that hasn't changed. I would not be here doing what I am without you making me the man that I am. I know I can't ask you to wait for me but know that even across the ocean I am yours._

 _I have to go now Liv. Hug Noah for me please._

 _Always Yours,_

 _Rafa_

She could almost hear the warmth of his voice in the words on her screen. She found herself touching the screen, as if he were some kind of genie trapped in a bottle. She tried to picture him in Turkey but of course she had no real frame of reference for it except things that she had seen on the news. She chuckled at the mental image of him in a three piece suit walking through a refugee camp.

"News from Barba?" Fin asked from her doorway.

Liv nervously closed her laptop and fidgeted with her glasses hating that her longtime friend could read her so well.

"Yes," she confirmed not bothering to try and deny it, "He's in Turkey trying to help refugees get their visas."

"He went a hell of a long way to try and serve his penance." Fin said shaking his head.

"He's finding himself," She added dryly, "Did you need something?"

"Stone wants to know where we are with that evidence." He told her.

Liv laughed, "So he called you not me."

Fin shrugged, "I think he's still scared of you."

Liv rolled her eyes, "Tell him were working on it. Then let's get it done with so we can hand it over to him and let him see just how easy this job is."

Fin nodded as he left her office wondering how this first case was going to go if the head of SVU and the ADA weren't speaking to each other. He had hoped in the moth that Barba had been gone and Stone had been officially relocating from Chicago to New York the animosity might have simmered but that did not seem to be the case. He knew that Liv was professional though and would pull through when she had to for the victim.

Evidence in the case was hard to find and the clock ran out before they could find what they needed.

"Release him, assign a patrol car to keep an eye on him and we'll start fresh in the morning, go home everyone. " She finally told them when they had run out of options.

"So is that how it works in SVU, give up and go home when you don't have evidence." Peter Stone said announcing his presence in the squad room.

Liv resisted the urge to turn and glare at him and kept her eyes on her team who were waiting for her reaction," Go home guys this case is going to require all we have and a god night sleep is going to make that possible." He team nodded and began to gather their belongings largely ignoring Stone's presence.

"Did you need something, MR. Stone?' She asked coolly she couldn't even bring herself to call him Counselor because that felt too personal after Rafael.

"I just thought I'd see how things were going. I understand Barba worked very closely with you all and I want you to know I intend to do the same." He informed her.

Liv crossed the squad room to stand closer to him, "Barba was very much part of our team, that was a position that he earned through years of working with us and learning from us, and establishing trust. It is not a positon that is just given to a new ADA upon assignment. We'll call you when we need you." She snapped before turning back to her office, the sound of her heels against the floor the only sound in the room.

BarsonBarsonBarson

After Noah was in bed she settled herself ono the couch with a glass of wine. A few times over the las month she had let herself imagine that there would be a knock at the door, that he would have come back to her, now though she knew there would be no knock. She flipped open her laptop and reread his message before starting one of her own. She started and stopped, typed words and then deleted them over and over again unsure of what to say to him until finally letting it all out.

 _Rafa,_

 _I don't think you know how hard it has been the last month with no word from you, for the past few years we have barely gone a day without speaking and now you are gone. You are off on this grand new adventure and I am left alone picking up the pieces. I found a new coffee cart because I was tired of being asked when you were coming back to work. Noah doesn't understand why you aren't coming to his soccer games. I've tried to tell him you are helping people. Do you want to know what he says? "But Mommy he can help people in New York." He's right you know there are still plenty of people in New York who need our help. Oh that reminds me Peter Stone is now in your role, your office, and my squad room, so thanks for that._

 _OK, so now that I've gotten out how pissed I am at you let me tell you how proud I am of you. You are doing good work Rafael. Those people need someone as smart as you to help and I know you will give it your all._

 _Basically that's it, I'm pissed at you and I am proud of you. Oh, and I miss you so much that it physically hurts somedays. Stay safe Rafa, Noah and I need you to come home._

 _Waiting for You,_

 _Liv_

She hit send and closed the laptop, she had just told him that she was waiting for him, she had not intended to write that but it had just come out. An honest ending to an honest letter because no matter how pissed she was at him the fact was that nobody could take Rafael Barba's place in her life.

TBC


	3. Kiss You Slow

What About Us?

Chapter Three

Kiss You Slow

When Liv arrived at her office the next morning there was another message from him waiting in her inbox.

 _Dear Liv,_

 _I can settle for pissed off and proud as long as I know that there is still a chance for us. My hope is that over the next few months I will make you more proud than pissed off. Although I suspect that working with Stone will continue to add points to the pissed off column. I guess that I will have to work that much harder to make you proud. As far as missing me, well let me address that in a separate letter later tonight when you aren't at work. Just know I promise to make these months count. Check back after you have Noah in bed tonight, maybe after you are in bed yourself._

 _Always Yours,_

 _Rafa_

Olivia felt herself bite down on her lip wondering what he had in mind. Her mind traveled back to that night in his bed and the way her body had come alive with his touch. She could almost feel his hands and mouth against her skin. She shook her head remembering where she was and the work to be done. She quickly hit reply and type one word before hitting send.

 _Tease_

If his goal had been to put a smile on her face for the rest of the day he had achieved it. She found a comfort and familiarity in the slight tension and tease that had always been part of their relationship. It was enough to get her through seeing Stone in Rafael's former office for the first time. A few days before it would have been too much for her but he felt closer now and that gave her strength.

After her meeting with Stone she decided to take the rest of the afternoon off, she picked Noah up from school and they spent the afternoon at the park.

"Mommy, can we eat at the noodle place?' Noah asked her as they walked home as it was getting close to dinner time.

Liv smiled, "Rafa's noodle place? I think that sounds like a great idea." She told him as they changed directions walking towards the restaurant he had introduced them too a few months earlier.

It was one of those places where you could build your own noodle bowl and Noah absolutely loved it. He ordered his usual "fat noodles" with butter and cheese. Olivia stared at the menu for a moment suddenly faced with a dilemma. She always ordered a bowl with peanut-ginger sauce and Rafael always ordered the Thai steak bowl and they would share. Her eyes ran back and forth between the two as the man behind the counter began to grow impatient. She felt that familiar pain of missing him begin to creep in and she quickly shook her head and smiled before ordering.

"I'll have the peanut-ginger bowl and the Thai steak bowl please." She requested ignoring the puzzled look from the man behind the counter.

As they settled at a table Noah looked at her expectantly, "Is Rafa back? Is that why you ordered his bowl too?"

Olivia sighed a little as she ran her hand through her son's hair, "No My Love, but when you miss someone you can try and ignore everything that reminds you of them so it won't hurt, but when you do that you don't get to remember how good it felt to be together. Coming here, ordering both bowl reminds me of how good it felt to eat here with Rafa."

"Can we take a picture of us here and send it to him?" He asked her. "At least we can come here and remember him, he doesn't have any places in Turkey to remember us."

Oliva hugged Noah, "You are a very smart boy Noah Benson." She told him as she picked up her phone and snapped several pictures of them over their noodle bowls.

"Can we talk to Rafa sometime Mommy?' Noah asked her as she tucked him into bed that night.

"We can probably work that out, you go to sleep and I'll see what we can do." She told him with a kiss.

After leaving his room she changed into her nightshirt and crawled into bed with her laptop. She was surprised when she opened his email to see no letter but a video attached, she held her breath as it loaded and slowly exhaled at the sight of him. He was standing in what appeared to be a rec hall of some sort, with a makeshift basketball court and some toys thrown about.

"Hi Liv, I'm here. Well not there with you here in what serves as our rec hall slash counseling center slash legal offices. It's late here and pretty much everyone is asleep but you know I'm a night owl and like to work late. Anyway, I want you to know I hear you about how missing me. God I miss you Liv, every single thing about you. But like you said it was my choice to leave and you didn't really get a choice. Like I said earlier though I'm going to make these months count and I when I get back to you I'm going to make this time up to you. So that being said I have something for you."

Liv watched as he walked over to a keyboard set up in a corner, he placed his phone on stand and sat down and began to play, then he began to sing.

 _I know you didn't think that loving me meant so much time alone_

 _Dinner for one on the couch, another movie on your own_

 _You know that I'm never gonna be a nine to five, that was never me_

 _I was born with a compass in my hand and a restless soul_

 _But when it hurts, when you can't take it_

 _And when the rubber band feels like it's breaking_

 _Hear the kick drum, that's my heart right there_

 _Let the melody run its fingers through your hair_

 _And my piano will kiss you slow tonight_

 _And my vocals tickle your ear_

 _And you almost can feel me here_

 _And my piano will kiss you slow tonight…._

 _Yeah, oh, let me be your_

 _Be your second home for a while_

 _Home, all you've ever known_

 _So baby listen close for me inside_

He turned back to the phone as finished singing, "I love you Liv, get some sleep, I'm not as away as it feels like. "

Olivia felt the tears falling from her eyes as she listened to his words and traced his face on the computer screen. She placed the laptop on her nightstand and hit the video again allowing the sound of his voice to lull her to sleep.

She awoke the next morning realizing she had not replied to his message and quickly reached for her phone clicking on the pictures of her and Noah the night before at dinner.

 _My Rafael,_

 _Noah and I went to the noodle place last night and it was the best night we'd had in a long time. I got both of our bowls it made me feel closer to you. I've decided you are right I am not going to waste these months either. I'm going to let myself fall a little more in love with you with every message that you send me, I'm going to cry when I miss you and smile when I remember how good things are when we are together. No more avoiding thoughts of you, because that would be the same as avoiding breathing._

 _All My Love,_

 _Liv_

 _P.S. Noah wants to talk to you let's figure out a time to Skype._

She dropped Noah at school that morning and paused for a minute before turning and walking her old way to work, stopping at their coffee cart.

"Lieutenant Benson!" The man greeted her warmly, "How are you? Have you heard from Mr. Barba?"

Olivia smiled, "I'm doing well, and yes he is too. He will be home in a few months. I'll see you tomorrow." She told him with a smile before walking to the precinct,

TBC

Song lyrics by Andy Grammer


	4. Chapter 4

What About Us?

Chapter Four

Over the next couple of weeks they settled into a new normal. Liv woke every morning to a new message from him and every night she would write him before going to sleep. They would Skype every few days making him feel even closer. Noah would excitedly tell him about school and soccer. He told him about how Liv was reading him Charlotte's Web at bedtime. They were surprised one night as they were getting ready for bed and the iPad pinged with the familiar sound of him calling them.

"Hey, we weren't expecting you." She answered warmly.

"I know but I was up early to get ready for a hearing and though I might catch Noah before bed." He explained through the fuzzy screen.

"Sure", she said carrying the iPad into his room, "Noah someone wanted to talk to you."

"Rafa! He yelled excitedly taking the iPad from Olivia.

"Hola, Amigo, I thought I could read to you tonight." He told him as he pulled out his own copy of Charlotte's Web. "What chapter are we on?"

"Four!" Noah told him happily as he and Liv Settled on the bed and listened to Rafael read. Soon Noah was asleep and Rafael closed the book.

"Are you OK Liv? You look tired." He asked her with concern in his voice.

"I'm fine Rafa tired but OK, It's been a hard case, Stone is an ass and I probably have a little bit of that virus Noah had last week." She told him honestly.

"You're taking care of yourself right? Sleeping OK?" He asked still concerned.

She smiled a little, "I's probably sleep better if I wasn't alone."

Rafael smiled back at her, "Soon enough My Love, seriously though, if you aren't feeling better in a few days promise me you will go to the doctor."

"I'm find Rafael." She said slightly annoyed but appreciative of his concern.

"Please Liv." He said again.

"OK, Rafa if I don't feel better by Monday I will go to the doctor. Now let me get some sleep." She promised.

"I love you Liv." He reminded her.

"I love you too, good luck at your hearing." She told him before hanging up and falling asleep on Noah's bed with him.

The next few days were nonstop work, she made it home to sleep it and shower. She was thankful as always for Lucy and all that she did, especially since Liv had worked straight through the weekend. She hadn't spoken to Rafael since that night he had read to Noah and she hadn't had time to write him or even read his letters. She looked at her clocks as she climbed into bed, she had added a second one to her bedside table so she would know what time it was in Turkey. It was seven in the morning there and she hoped he would be around.

"Hey, Beautiful." He answered quickly, "Did you wrap the case?"

"Yes, arraignment is tomorrow." She told him her head falling back against the pillow.

"How are you?" He asked.

"Exhusted, I have barely seen Noah in three days and I haven't even had time to read your letters, I'm sorry." She apologized a little teary in her exhaustion. 

"Liv, if there's anyone that understands it's me. I'm sorry I'm not there to do more." He told her. "It's Tuesday by the way are you going to go to the doctor?" reminded her.

'Rafa it's just the case…" She started.

"Liv" He said flatly.

"Give me two good night sleeps and then I will go if I'm not better." She promised again.

"Ok, then get some sleep Love." He said still worried about her.

"Raf?" She asked hesitantly, "Can you just stay for a few minutes, talk to me, sing to me, anything."

Rafael smiled, "Of course."

She heard him clear his throat and start singing softly:

You said "I love you" to me

I don't know what that means

So I froze in my feet

People use it too carelessly

And I couldn't believe

That you would dive in so deep

And you said perfectly

Everything I've been feeling about you

It's time to break the chains that held me back from you

So come on and

Take a little bit of my

Heart tonight

No, I literally don't mind

Just please don't misplace it

And take a little bit of my

Heart tonight

No, baby be mine now

Baby, be mine now

Maybe it's time we put our hearts in a parallel line

Well I was never the type

To put it all on the line

But I've been changing my mind since you opened my eyes

It was a way that the light

Picked you out of that night

Then you were right by my side

Put a soul in my body

And now it's time to close the space between the two of us

Maybe it's time we put our hearts in a parallel line

Well I was never the type

To put it all on the line

"Liv?" He asked softly, but from where she had propped the iPad up on her bedside table he could see she was sleeping. He sat and watched her for a few minutes studying her features, worrying about her and second guessing his decision to spend half a year thousands of miles away from her. He was just about to hang up when he saw her bedroom door open and Noah appear half asleep in him Paw Patrol pajamas carrying Eddie the Elephant.

"Noah, don't wake Mommy up." He whispered.

"Rafa, I've missed you and Mommy." The boy told him.

"I'm sorry Amigo, do you want me to read you a little of Charlotte's Web?' He asked him hoping it would let Liv sleep a little.

"OK, Rafa." He answered sleepily dozing back off quickly once Rafael started reading.

He sat and watched both of them sleeping, knowing the work that he was doing was important and that he was needed where he was but that his heart was laying together in New York. He promised himself that he would do the best work he could while he was there and then get home to them. He didn't care what else New York had for him as long as it had the two of them.

The next morning Liv woke just in time to feed Noah breakfast and get him to school. She had taken the day off after wrapping the case. Normally if she had a day off when Noah was at school she would catch up on paperwork or housework today though all she could think about was crawling back into bed. That wasn't like her and she decided Rafael was right and she called and made herself a doctor's appointment surprised when she could get one later that day.

She sat in the doctor's office telling her about how tired she had been and how Noah had been sick she figured that was probably it.

"Maybe, Olivia, or maybe something else. Do you know when your last period was?" She asked her.

Olivia sat for a minute trying to think, "It's probably been two months, I guess, maybe a little. Do you think I'm starting menopause?" She asked knowing it wasn't a far off possibility.

"Well, that's possible but you'd be on the younger side still. Olivia are you seeing anyone?" The doctor asked and Olivia laughed.

"Sort of, but he's been in Turkey for work for almost two months now." She explained

"And before he left were the two of you sexually involved?" The doctor asked trying to connect the dots for Liv.

Olivia studied her for a minute, "One night, shortly before he left.'

"And you haven't had your period since then? Olivia have you taken a pregnancy test?"

Olivia looked at her in disbelief, "You don't really think that's possible do you? At my age? What are the odds?"

"Not likely but not unheard of either, there's one way to find out though." The doctor answered her with a smile.

Several minutes later the doctor walked back in with a smile on her face, "Well congratulations Olivia Noah is going to be a big brother. You are about eight weeks along."

Olivia stared at her in disbelief, "Are you sure?"

The doctor laughed, "Completely, but we'll have you come back for an ultrasound next week so you can see with your own eyes. Will the father be back by then? You said you are sort of involved? Will he want to be a part of the baby's life?"

Olivia looked at her again, "No, he won't be back for four more months. It's more than sort of it's just complicated because of how it started and now he's gone, but yes he will want to be involved. I mean he's currently reading Noah Charlotte's Web from half way around the world."

The doctor smiled at her again, "He sounds wonderful, and you should tell him soon though so you two can talk about if he wants to come home sooner."

Olivia nodded still trying to comprehend everything that had happened. She picked up her phone and quickly punched Amanda's number and asked her if she could meet for lunch. An hour later they were seated in a café shock on Amanda's face.

"You're going to have a baby? You and Barba are going to have a baby?" She repeated.

"That's what the doctor said." Olivia confirmed again.

"How long have you two been…" She stopped realizing she was overstepping.

"Just after the trial, before he left for Turkey. I mean we are planning for a future when he gets back but neither of us planned on this." Liv told her. "I don't know how I'm going to tell him."

"Liv, do you love him? Does he love you?" Amanda asked her.

"Yes, and yes." Olivia answered.

"And he and Noah get along?"

"They adore each other." She said

"Then everything is going to be fine." Amanda assured her. "Just don't wait to tell him you guys don't need a secret like this between you."

Olivia nodded and hugged her friend and went to pick Noah up from school. They ate dinner and played with his Legos before bedtime. Rafael had sent her a message earlier in the day he would be traveling and not around at bedtime. That he would let he know when he got back to the camp but it might be a couple of days.

It was in fact three days later when her iPad pinged and she knew that it was him. She was just getting into bed which meant it was early in the morning for him.

"Hi" she answered.

"God I have I missed your face." He told her immediately, "I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, I was just getting into bed, tell me about your trip." She said buying a little time.

He told her they had traveled to the embassy for a hearing for one of his clients. He had been able to get visas for an entire family, they were now on their way to meet up with family in Michigan.

"That's wonderful Rafa. I am so proud of you." She told him.

"How are you? Are you feeling better? Did you go to the doctor?" He questioned.

Olivia laughed, "Is this a cross examination? I am feeling a little better still tired, but the doctor says that's to be expected." 

"To be expected why? What else did she say Liv?" He asked feeling concerned.

Liv took a breath getting ready to give him the speech she had been rehearsing for three days when all the sudden she heard what sounded and looked like an explosion coming from his side of the iPad.

"Rafael!" She yelled just as the signal went blank.

TBC

Song Credits Keith Urban


	5. Chapter 5 Waiting

What about US?

Chapter Five

Waiting

How do I get through one night without you

If I had to live without you

What kinda life would that be

Oh I need you in my arms, need you to hold

You are my world, my heart, my soul

If you ever leave

Baby you would take away

Everything good in my life

And tell me now

How do I live without you?

I want to know

How do I breathe without you?

If you ever go

How do I ever, ever survive

How do I, how do I, oh how do I live

LeAnn Rimes

"Don't turn the TV on Liv it will it will just make it worse." Amanda had told her when she called her after the explosion but of course she could not help herself. She sat glued to CNN waiting for any sign of him. She learned quickly enough that it had been an earthquake that had caused a massive power outage across the region where he was. The explosion she saw was most likely a transformer blowing.

She waited throughout the night for any word from him but nothing came. She tried to fight off thoughts of the worst, imagining a life without him. The next morning she did her best to brush off Noah's questions about Rafa. Telling him that he was still traveling. She called in sick to work because she could not handle the worried looks that she knew would be waiting for her. She found herself walking aimlessly for a while checking her phone for any word from him. When a sudden thought stopped her in her tracks.

"Lucia" she said out loud pulling her phone from her purse. Rafael had made sure she had his mother's number before he left in case anything happened. She took a deep breath as she called her number.

"Mrs. Barba?" She asked her voice shaking slightly. "This is Oliva Benson…"

"Lieutenant, have you heard from Rafael?" She asked franticly.

Olivia sighed, "No, I'm sorry, I haven't. I was on with him last night when they lost power, but nothing since." There was silence on the other end of the phone. Olivia tried to put herself in the older woman's place. How would she be doing if Noah was half way around the world and she didn't know if he was all right? Olivia knew that Lucia's and Rafael's relationship was strained since the trial and that could not be helping how she was feeling.

"If you do hear from him, will you tell him I love him?" Lucia asked and Olivia could hear her voice crack.

"Mrs. Barba would you like to come over to my place? We could wait for word from him together." Olivia offered.

"I would like that very much Lieutenant Benson." Lucia replied gratefully.

"Ok, I will text you my address, and please call me Olivia." She told her.

"Thank you Olivia, and call me Lucia." She replied.

Oliva hung up the phone and sent Lucia her address, as she turned the corner to her building it dawned on her she had just invited her baby's grandmother to her apartment. She place her hand on her still flat stomach and smiled half way for the first time that day.

"Well Little One, I guess Grandma is coming over." She said quietly.

An hour later they were sitting somewhat awkwardly across Olivia's table each with a cup of coffee before them.

"I was so horrible to him, after what he did. I was so angry at him. I still am." Lucia confessed breaking the silence.

"I said some pretty awful things too, and was angry for a long time, especially when he left." Olivia told her in agreement.

"But you were there for him, every day during the trial, he told me that." Lucia said with tears in her eyes, "I was just so angry. Then we he decided to leave I was too stubborn to see him off properly." 

Olivia reached across the table and took Lucia's hand, "Lucia, Rafael knows that you love him and he knows that his actions caused a lot of pain for the people who love him."

"I am glad he found someone like you Olivia." Lucia said patting her hand. Olivia shifted uncertain what all Rafael had told his mother. "It's all right, a mother knows things before her son tells her, sometimes before he even knows them himself. He told me before he left though he wants a future with you and Noah."

Olivia smiled, "That's what we want too." She whispered the pain of worry and longing washing over her just as she heard the front door open.

"Mommy were home! Me and Lucy, did Rafa call?" Noah called down the hallway stopping when he noticed someone new at their table.

"Noah, this is Mrs. Barba, Rafa's mom. She came over for coffee." Olivia introduced the two.

"Hi, Noah, Rafael had told me so much about you. Call me Lucia, I hear you like soccer?" Lucia said with genuine warmth.

"You want to see my trophies? " Noah asked taking her hand and guiding her down the hall with excitement. "When Rafa comes home he's going to help coach my team."

Olivia sank back in her chair exhaustion washing over her body. She heard them coming back to the room and she did her best to set herself back up.

"Olivia are you all right?" Lucia asked her.

Oliva shook her head, "I didn't get much sleep last night after.." she trailed off not wanting Noah to know that anything was wrong.

Lucia nodded her head, "I know Lucy had to leave but I could stay and play with Noah if you wanted to rest a bit." She offered.

Olivia hesitated only for a minute, "All right, if you don't mind." She said, "Just for a few minutes." She took her iPad with her to bed in case he tried to reach her that way, before falling asleep she clicked on the video of him singing and closed her eyes to the sound of his voice. She woke later to the sounds of laughter and an amazing smell coming from her apartment. She glanced at her clock and realized it was after six, she had slept for three hours.

"Lucia, Noah?" She called out and found them in the living room playing cards.

"Mommy, Lucia made chicken soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, and cookies" Noah told her excitedly.

"Did we have stuff to make all of those things?" Olivia asked.

Lucia waved her hand, "I hand them delivered, it's all right dear, it kept me busy. Are you hungry?"

Olivia shook her head trying to shake off the reaming sleep, "Some chicken soup sounds wonderful." She ate her soup while she watched Noah and Lucia play cards. She thought about the baby and wondered if she should tell Lucia but knew she could not tell her before she told Rafael. She refused to entertain any thought other than she would hear from him soon.

"Mommy? Do you think Rafa will call to read to me tonight?" Noah asked interrupting her thoughts.

"Probably not tonight Love." Olivia told him the sadness apparent in her voice.

"I could read to you if you like Noah." Lucia offered.

"Yes, please!" He exclaimed.

"Go get ready for bed then Noah." Oliva told him laughing as he dashed to his room.

"Thank you Lucia for staying it's been good for him to have you here." Olivia told her.

"It's been good for me to be here." Lucia said hugging her tightly.

"You can come back, if we are all missing Rafael we can at least do it together." Oliva said hugging her back.

Just then they heard Noah's voice as he came back into the room and heard him saying, "No it's ok Rafa you don't have to read to me tonight Lucia is going to."

"Noah, is it Rafa? Hand me the iPad!" Olivia exclaimed and Lucia held her breath in anticipation.

"Rafael!" Olivia yelled tears running down her face at the sight of him, "You are all right."

"Hi Beautiful, I'm fine, why is my mother there?" he asked in confusion.

"I called her thinking maybe she had heard from you. Then I invited her over. She was worried we both were." She explained tears falling again.

"It's all right Liv, I'm all right, nobody was hurt here the power is a little spotty still so it might be a little while before we can have normal communication. Are you all right?" He asked.

"I'm much better now." She told him honestly. "Here talk to your mom for a minute, she really needs to talk to you."

Olivia passed the iPad to Lucia and scooted Noah from the room so that they could talk privately. The conversation she needed to have with Rafael would have to wait until they had a moment alone. She got Noah settled in his bed before returning to the living room.

"I love you hijo, be safe." She heard Lucia saying, "Here's Olivia."

Olivia noticed the tears in her eyes s she took the iPad and excused herself to talk to Rafael.

"Everything all right?" She asked.

Rafael smiled, "Yes, we both needed to say a few things. Thank you for having her over Liv, I can tell it meant a lot to her."

"It meant a lot to me too Rafa. It made me feel closer to you." She told him as she heard people calling from behind him.

"I have to go Liv, I'm so sorry. Like I said communication might be spotty for a while. I'll do my best. I love you, please hug Noah for me and tell him every day that I love him and I miss him."

"I love you Rafa, so much." She told him as the signal on the tablet began to go, "Like your mother said, be safe and come home to us. We need you more than you know." She whispered as the screen went dark.

"We lost the signal." She told Lucia tears brimming in her eyes.

"It will be all right Olivia." She said pulling her into a tight hug, "Rafael loves you and that boy he's going to come home to you."

Olivia hugged her back then stepped back, "Lucia, I meant what I said earlier, Noah and I would love to see more of you, if you would like."

"I would love that Hija, anytime." Lucia told her with a smile. "Now I should let you get some sleep."

"Yes, it has been a long day." Olivia agreed walking Lucia to the door, "We'll see you soon Lucia. Maybe this weekend." She promised as they hugged one more time. Olivia rested against the front door after she closed it and placed her hand on her stomach.

"What did you think of Grandma Little One? I think I like her and your brother seems to also. I promise I will tell your daddy about you very soon Little One, I just want the time to be right. He's got a lot going on right now. Let's you and I get some sleep now, we've got to get back to work tomorrow." Olivia said out loud to the empty room before climbing into the bed to dream of Rafael.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

What about Us?

Chapter Six

Two weeks had gone by without any word from Rafael. Olivia was doing her best to keep her spirits up but it was hard, morning sickness had set in, she was exhausted all of the time, and nobody other than Amanda and her doctor knew that she was pregnant. Fortunately since she was in charge of her department she was able to stay out of the field a little more easily, although she knew she needed to inform her superiors soon. Lucia was becoming amore regular fixture in their lives, she had been over for dinner twice and had accompanied them to the park last Saturday.

It was Saturday again and the three of them were going to the farmer's market. Lucia was actually really good company, Noah adored her and Olivia could tell that the feeling was mutual. The shopped at the market stopping for samples along the way. Olivia did her best to stay away from the strong smells that permeated the market. At one point she had to excuse herself quickly leaving Noah and Lucia behind. After they finished dinner they went back to the apartment where Lucia planned to make them dinner.

"Olivia Dear, you look exhausted please go rest while I make dinner. Noah can help me right, Noah?" She asked.

"Yes, I want to help Lucia make empanadas!" He told her excitedly not really knowing what an empanada was.

"OK, but don't let me sleep too long this time." She said as she went back to her room taking the iPad with her as she always did just in case he called. She set an alarm for an hour not wanting to sleep too long again. She looked at the clocks next to her bed it was almost eleven there, he should be sleeping. She imagined him lying in bed with her his arms wrapped around her running his hands over her stomach trying to feel any signs of the child she was carrying. This is how she fell asleep every night thinking of the nights to come when he would hold her.

She woke an hour later with the feeling of nausea coming over her. She did her best to pick at the dinner Lucia had prepared and graciously turned down the wine she offered her. After dinner she put Noah to bed while Lucia tidied up the kitchen. She thankfully accepted the mug of tea Lucia offered her when she returned.

"Olivia, I don't want to pry but is everything all right? I know how hard you work and raising Noah on your own, you seem so run down, and you aren't eating very much. I worry you aren't taking care of yourself." Lucia said with genuine concern looking at the younger woman then suddenly the realization hit her and before she could stop herself the words came out, "Olivia are you and Rafael expecting a baby?" she asked.

Olivia blinked several times in disbelief, she cleared her throat in an effort to speak but the words stuck in her throat.

"I'm sorry Olivia, I should not have said anything you and Rafael will tell me when you are ready." She apologized quickly.

"He doesn't know yet, Rafael doesn't know about the baby yet." Olivia finally let out in a whisper watching Lucia's face for the disappointment she knew would be coming. Instead she found tenderness and compassion.

"Oh Hija, why not?" Lucia asked taking her hand.

"He was traveling when I found out, I was about to tell him when the explosion happened and I've only spoken to him once since then." Olivia explained exhausted tears running down her face.

"The night I was here.' Lucia said in understanding as Olivia nodded.

Olivia stood suddenly, "Would you like to see a picture of your grandchild?" She asked Lucia reaching into her purse a pulling out the ultrasound picture she had been keeping with her.

"Nieto" Lucia whispered softly as Olivia handed her the picture, "I'm going to be an abuletia." She said then shook her head, "I'm already an aubelita, now I will have two nietos. We are familia Olivia hija."

Olivia hugged her so profoundly grateful for her words, including Noah as a grandchild, and the relief of having someone else knowing her secret.

"You must tell Rafael as soon as possible Olivia, I know my son he is going to be thrilled but not happy that he didn't know sooner."

Olivia nodded she knew Lucia was right, "I promise you I will tell him as soon as he is able to call. I have no intention of keeping this a secret." 

"How far along are you?" Lucia questioned.

"Eleven weeks, almost through my first trimester, I was already eight weeks when I found out." Olivia explained.

"I should let you rest Hija. We will have dinner this week, I will cook." She told her kissing her on the cheek.

"Lucia, I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I should get to hear the baby's heartbeat, would you like to come with me?" Olivia asked still timidly overwhelmed by all that had transpired.

"I would be honored, I will see you then." She kissed Olivia goodbye and left her to get some rest.

BarsonBarsonBarsonBarson

"Olivia it's great to see you again." Her doctor greeted her as she entered the exam room.

"Hi Dr. Andrews this is…" Olivia stumbled over how to introduce Lucia. "This is Lucia Barba, the baby's grandmother."

"Fantastic, so I take it you got a chance to tell the father then?" Dr. Andrews asked.

Olivia shook her head, "No, not exactly communication is still difficult." Olivia explained just as a familiar sound came from her phone.

"Um, I think that's him calling." Oliva said half panicked not wanting to miss his call but not wanting this to be how he found out either.

"Answer it!" The other two women commanded.

"Rafael" Olivia answered nervously.

"Liv, hey, I'm so sorry it's been so long. I think our communications are all back though." Rafael paused trying to take in what he could see from the background of her phone. "Liv where are you?" Why is my mother with you?"

"Rafa, I'm at the doctor and I need to tell you something." She answered her voice and hands shaking.

"We'll leave you two alone." Dr. Andrews told her ushering Lucia from the room.

"Liv, what the hell is going on? You're scaring me? Before the explosion you said everything was all right. Now you're at the doctor with my mother." Rafael worried.

"Rafa, everything is fine, this is a fairly normal appointment." Liv did her best to stay calm.

"Why is my mother with you at a normal doctor's appointment? He asked his frustration growing and temper starting to show.

"She's here because I didn't want to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time by myself!" She spat out, "She's here because the father is half way around the world, trying to absolve himself of wrong doing and I haven't been able to talk to him for over two weeks. "

Rafael sat on the other end of the line in stunned silence for several moments as Olivia grew more nervous.

"Rafael please say something." She whispered.

"Baby? Our baby?' He asked a smile spreading across his face, "We are going to have a baby? But how?" 

Olivia laughed at his last question, "Well Love I'm pretty sure they covered that in sixth grade health class."

Rafael rolled his eyes at her, "But I mean… isn't that unlikely given your…" He stopped himself, "Given the fact that we've only spent one night together?"

Olivia smiled at him, "Good save Counselor. You're not made Rafa?" 

Rafael looked at her in genuine confusion, "What on earth would I be mad about? You've just given me the best news ever. God I love you Olivia Benson."

Tears began to roll down her face, "I love you too." Just then there was a knock on the door, Lucia and Dr. Andrews reappeared. Dr. Andrews was pushing an ultrasound machine.

"I thought maybe since we had Daddy on the line we could try and get a glimpse of this little one again." She offered with a smile. "You want to see your baby, Mr. Barba?"

"Yes, please." He answered quickly still trying to figure out how his life had changed in a moment.

Olivia laid back on the table, Lucia propped the phone up so Rafael could see and then held Olivia's hand. They watched together as the baby appeared on the screen. Olivia could hear Rafael talking in Spanish and was able to quickly translate to hear him say, "Hi, Little One I am your Pappi and I already love you."

BarsonBarsonBarsonBarson

Two days later Olivia was getting herself ready for work and Noah ready for school. She and Rafael hadn't gotten to speak since the doctor's office. He had sent her an email saying an emergency had come up and he would be traveling for a couple days. He reminded her how much he loved her, Noah, and the Little One. She missed him desperately and she was anxious to talk to him without a room full of people.

"Noah come on Lucia is going to be here any minute to take you to school." Olivia called out.

"Yay, maybe we can get donuts before school." Noah replied.

Olivia laughed Lucia was definitely enjoying her role as abuelita and Noah had no complaints either. As if on cue a knock came to the door. Olivia went to open it expecting to see the older woman, instead she was greeted by Rafael standing on the other side.

"Rafa!" She yelled throwing herself at him feeling his arms instantly wrap around her as she pressed her lips against his until neither of them could breather.

"You're not supposed to be here yet. How? Why?" She asked in confusion as they slowly moved apart.

"I told them there was an emergency. I took an airplane, and because I need to ask you something." He told her laughing slightly at her questions before dropping to one knee in the middle of her doorway.

"Olivia Benson will you marry me?" He asked her pulling a ring from his pocket while holding her other hand.


	7. Chapter 7

What about Us?

Chapter Seven

"Rafa!" Noah screamed in delight as he came to the door expecting to see Lucia. "Mommy Rafa is here! Do you see him?" He asked throwing himself into Rafael's arms.

"Oh Hijo, yes I am here!" He answered hugging the boy tight as her stood back up with him in his arms his eyes still locked on Olivia's.

Olivia did not miss that Rafael had called Noah son and she felt her heart swell. She could not believe he was standing there holding Noah that after three months she could reach out and touch him. She did just that she touched his arm and he instinctively drew her into the embrace with Noah. She felt his lips press against the side of her head and she prayed this moment would not end afraid that maybe she was dreaming.

"Olivia? Noah? Why is the door open?" She heard Lucia's voice call out then a sharp gasp, "Rafael, Hijo." She cried out.

"Mami" Rafael responded releasing Liv and setting Noah down so that he could hug his mother who was already in tears.

"You're here, you're all right and you are here." She whispered through her tears.

"Yes, Mami I am here and everything is all right." He assured her.

"Abuelita Lucia is taking me to school today." Noah announced proudly "Right Abuelita?" 

Lucia wiped away her tears, "Si, Nieto, go get your things we don't want to be late. Your Mami and Rafael have a lot to talk about."

"Rafa will you still be here when I get back from school?" Noah asked as he carried his bag into the hallway.

"I promise I will be right here when you get home today Noah and I will tuck you in and read to you tonight." He promised the boy as he helped him with his jacket and bag, "Te amo, hijo." He told the boy hugging him tightly one more time.

"I love you too Rafa. Come one Abulietia I don't want to be late. Bye Mommy I love you." He called out.

"Love you Sweet Boy have a great day." She called out as she felt Rafael's arms wrap around her waist.

The door closed behind them as they left for school and she heard Rafael chuckle, "How is it she gets to be Abuelita before I get to be Pappi?" He asked.

Olivia turned to face him sliding her arms around his neck, "She's been here and she asked him if he would like to." She explained gently not wanting to ruin this moment. "There will be plenty of time for him to call you Pappi if that's what you want.'' She said before kissing him.

He pulled back, "Is that a yes then?" He asked her.

"What?" She asked.

"You still haven't answered my question." He explained as he dropped to one knee again as he had in her doorway moments before, "Olivia, please say that you will marry me, that we can be a family and raise Noah and this baby, and grow old together and squabble when we are eighty five. I know I have made things harder on us and I promise if you give me the chance I will spend the rest of our lives making it up to you."

Olivia knelt down in front of him and took his face in her hands, "Rafael Barba you have nothing to make up to me, just promise to love the way that only you can, promise me that you will love me and our children every day that's all I need."

Tears spilled from Rafael's eyes and Olivia wiped them away, "That is the easiest promise that I will ever make." He said as he kissed her.

After three months without each other it didn't take long for the kiss to turn heated as their hands began to roam over each other in her living room much as they had in his all of those months ago. This time it was her turn to lead him back to her room. There was no stopping or hesitating this time there would be time later for slowness and to savor each other. This time was filled with all the emotions and longings that had filled the last three months.

Afterwards they lay wrapped in each other's arms a million questions that still needed to be answered but for now they were content to hold each other. Olivia smiled as she felt his hands roam over her stomach where the slightest bump was beginning to form just as she had imagined so many nights. .

"That's really our baby in there isn't it?" He asked.

"It really is My Love. On a night when we had no idea what the future held we made our future." She answered kissing him pouting slightly we he pulled back and moved to get out of the bed. "Where are you going?" She asked as he padded across the bedroom to where his pants had been discarded.

He returned with the ring box he had been holding earlier, "You might want this." He said opening it for her to see.

"Raf, it's beautiful, but how on earth did you get a ring so quickly?" She asked as he slipped it on her finger.

"It was Catalina's I took it with me when I left for Turkey. I kept it with the pictures I had of you and Noah to remind me of what I had to come home to."

Olivia studied him for a minute, "You knew when you left? Before the baby?" She asked him in amazement.

He kissed her slowly, "Liv, I've known for a very long time this is what I wanted, don't get me wrong I am thrilled about the baby, but if it had just been you and Noah that would have been enough for me."

BarsonBarsonBarsonBarson

"So, now what?" Olivia finally worked up the courage to ask as they sat curled together on her couch later that afternoon.

"We could go pick Noah up from school and get noodles for dinner." He answered knowing full well that wasn't what she was asking.

"Raf…" She said pointedly rolling her eyes.

He dropped a quick kiss on her lips, "I actually have an interview tomorrow morning." He confessed.

Liv laughed a little, "An interview? You mean this trip home wasn't just about us?"

Rafael kissed her again, "No My Love it was completely about us and our future and as much as the idea of stay at home dad sounds appealing I figure raising two kids in Manhattan is going to require more than one salary."

Olivia laughed again at the thought of Rafael Barba as a stay at home dad, "You would lose your mind in about two days and start teaching Noah criminal law before school in the mornings."

"Funny you should mention teaching." He told her.

"Is that what the interview is for? A teaching position?" She asked.

He nodded with a smile, "Columbia approached me before I left for Turkey."

"Do you want to teach Raf? You love the courtroom you know Jack said you could always come back to the DA's office." She reminded him.

He kissed her again, "I can't go back to that Love, yes I love the courtroom and miss parts of it but I can't do that every day anymore. Besides teaching offers more stable hours something that I think it would be good for one of us to have. I'll be home at night to help Noah with his homework, make sure the baby is all right, all of those things."

Olivia smiled at him, "You have really been thinking about this whole family thing haven't you?" She asked.

"I have a lot of empty hours to fill." He laughed

"All right but I just have one stipulation." She told him.

"Just one, that's an improvement." He teased.

"Well you're not going to like it." She hedged and watched as he raised an eyebrow at her. "You have to finish your commitment in Turkey."

He pulled back from her on the couch, "No way Liv, I'm not leaving you here alone and pregnant so that I can play hero half way around the world. We've missed too much time already." He stated firmly.

"Rafael, it's only three more months, you will be home before I begin the third trimester. I'm not alone, I have my doctor, my squad, Lucy and your mother. You are doing good work over there Raf, you need to finish it."

"Liv…" He started but she silenced him with a long lustful kiss. "Are you going to waste what little time you have with the mother of your children fighting a fight we both know you are going to lose?" She asked with a smile when she pulled back. She watched a mix of resignation and desire washed over him.

"You don't fight fair," He whispered as he pushed her back against the couch his hands already roaming under her shirt as his lips moved to her neck.

"I don't hear you complaining." She managed to say before he moved his mouth over hers demanding her lips against his own.

BarsonBarsonBarson

"Why did Pappi have to go back to Turkey?" Noah asked again as Olivia tucked him in to bed two nights later. "I thought he was going to stay with us forever and with the baby."

Olivia smiled and kissed his forehead. They had told him the day before that he was going to be a big brother and that Rafael would be his Pappi. He was thrilled but now confused by Rafael's departure.

"Pappi has to finish his work in Turkey, then his is coming home to us and we are going to be a family. You, me, Pappi, your brother or sister, Abuelita and Lucy," She assured him but she could still see the sadness in his face.

"I'm going to miss him until he comes back." He told her sadly.

"Me too Sweetheart, me too." She agreed sliding down next to him and holding him close until long after he was asleep.

She returned to the living room a little while later and straightened it up from the day. She picked up a blanket that had been tossed on the floor smiling when she could still smell his scent on it. They had wrapped themselves in it after they had made love the day before, before he had made his demand of her.

" _All right Liv, I will finish my time in Turkey on one condition." He announced his face turning serious and Liv had a good idea what was coming. "You take yourself out of the field until after the baby is born."_

" _Raf, I am in charge of my division, I can't just..." She started but he cut her off._

" _You can Liv and you will. This isn't a debate we are going to have. You aren't going to put yourself and our child in unnecessary danger." He asserted._

" _Do you really think I would put our child in danger? Rafael I know what I am doing." She countered._

" _I know what you are doing too Liv, you are taking yourself out of the field until the baby is born." He reiterated unwilling to budge._

" _Who do you think you are, demanding this of me?" She challenged._

 _His face softened and he moved back to take her into his arms, "I am the man that loves you, the father of your children, and I will be thousands of miles away from you and I cannot be over there if I don't know that you are doing everything you can to stay safe here."_

 _Olivia sat silently for a minute but made no effort to leave his embrace, "It won't be easy."_

" _Nothing about us has ever been easy." He reminded her brushing her hair back from her face._

" _I will probably be really unhappy with you sometimes" She said softening a little._

" _That will be nothing new My Love." He replied kissing her softly. "Does that mean you are agreeing?"_

" _I didn't think I had a choice. Do I?" She pouted._

" _Not really no." He said with a half-smile, "But thank you, don't think that the sacrifices you are making are lost on me."_

 _Olivia kissed him, "You are giving up the courtroom for our family, I can take myself out of the field for a few months."_

After she finished picking up the living room she made her way to bed crawling in wishing desperately for his arms around her as they had been the previous two nights. She glanced down at the ring on her finger, then she reached out and picked up the new picture from her nightstand. Lucia had insisted on taking one of her, Rafael and Noah and she was glad she did. She smiled at their happy faces in their first family picture. She smiled again knowing in three months he would be home to them and that in six months their baby would join their family. A few more months until their family was together and complete.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

What about Us?

Chapter Eight

"I want to go to the park Mommy." Noah whined for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

"Noah, it's just too hot out Baby." Olivia told him yet again, it was the third week of July the city was in the middle of an oppressive heat wave, Olivia had taken a week off of work since Lucy was on vacation with her family. She had really hoped to make a special week of it for her and Noah but the heat combined with being six months pregnant were getting in the way. "We could go to the movie."

"I don't want to go to the movie. I want to go play soccer in the park. Pappi said if he was home we would go play soccer. I want Pappi to come home." Noah protested his words stinging more than a five year old could understand, before he ran to his room in tears.

Olivia let out a sigh it had been two months since Rafael had been home and she was beginning to wonder if any of the three of them were going to make it through this last month. Rafael was trying to finish as many cases as he could before coming home which meant more frequent traveling and less frequent contact with her and Noah. They had talked last night and had spent half the conversation bickering over when to get married.

" _I completely acknowledge it's my Catholic upbringing but I really think we should get married before the baby is born." He said not for the first time._

" _Seriously, Barba now you are concerned about your Catholic upbringing? Not the night you got me pregnant or the night that you…" She stopped herself but it was too late they both knew what she was going to say._

" _Thanks for the reminder Liv, because I don't already wonder all of the time if I made the wrong decision with that baby." He said a mixture of hurt and anger in her voice._

" _Raf, I'm sorry." She said quietly._

" _I should go Liv, I need to get ready for a hearing." He told her._

She placed her hands over her ever expanding stomach, "Little One, we need to get our act together."

She walked back to Noah's room and sat down next to him on the bed, "I wish Pappi was home too." She whispered as she pulled her son into her arms. "What if we go to the museum and see the dinosaurs and get ice cream for dinner?"

Noah did not hesitate to agree to that offer and they had a great time at the museum and eating ice cream for dinner. As she was getting into bed that night she heard the iPad beep and she quickly answered it.

"Rafa, I'm so sorry about what I said yesterday." She answered.

"No, Liv I'm sorry for how I reacted. You weren't wrong, there is still a part of me that is trying to make amends for that and when we get married shouldn't be based on that." He admitted. "But that doesn't change the fact that I want to get married as soon as possible. We've already missed so much time Liv."

'I understand that Raf but by the time you get home I will be almost seven months pregnant I would prefer not to waddle down the aisle in sweltering August heat." She explained.

"You could never waddle My Love." He half joked.

Olivia let out a laugh, "I appreciate that sweetheart but the fact is you haven't really seen me in two months and I'm not going to be any smaller in month."

"We could just got to the courthouse Liv…" He started and Liv stopped him.

"No, absolutely not." She stopped him abruptly.

"I never thought you would be one for the whole wedding thing Liv." He questioned surprised by her reaction.

"Maybe at one time I wouldn't have been Rafa, but now I want it. I want a special day to celebrate us, that despite everything that life has thrown at us we managed to find each other, to fall in love and have a family, and that we are committed to each other for the rest of our lives. I think that is something that deserves to be celebrated in a big way with our friends and family. We deserve more than a quickie wedding at the courthouse"

"God, I love you Olivia Benson and you are right we do deserve all of that. We'll wait until we can have celebrate the way we should." He agreed. "Just promise it won't be too long."

Olivia laughed, "I promise Rafa," She paused before adding, "Let's set a date."

Rafael smiled, "The day after the baby is born?" He teased.

"Rafael…: she said rolling her eyes at him, "What about the spring?" She suggested.

"That's a long time from now." He protested.

Olivia rubbed her stomach, "Yes, but we have a lot going on between now and then, you have to come home, start teaching Noah has to start kindergarten, and we have to have a baby."

"And find a larger place to live." Rafael added, "There's no way we are going to fit four of us in your apartment."

Liv nodded in agreement, "We could get married during your spring break from Columbia, the baby would be old enough to leave for a few days then and we could have an actual honeymoon. You know, just you and me alone a romantic beach somewhere, with wine, no iPad between us, nothing else between us either. "She offered suggestively.

Rafael raised an eyebrow at her, "Is this how you plan to get what you want for the rest of our lives?"

"Does it work?" She asked,

"Definitely…"then he paused, "So is Noah asleep?" He asked.

Olivia smiled knowing exactly where this was going, "Yes."

"How about you go start the bath." He suggested.

Olivia happily complied carrying the iPad with her into the bathroom setting it up on the counter as she started the tub.

"Don't' forget to add the bubbles." He reminded her, "and make sure it's not too hot."

She smiled, "If you're going to be bossy, I'm going to hang up before I get in." She teased.

"No you won't." He said confidently knowing she enjoyed this every bit as much as he did. "Now how about you let me have my way for a little while."

Another smile crossed her face as she removed the night shirt she had been wearing pausing in front of the screen long enough for him to take the sight of her in.

"You are so beautiful Olivia. I know you're hot and tired, and think that you waddle, but let me tell you that you have never been more beautiful than you are carrying our child." He told her his voice revealing his desire for her even from thousands of miles away.

She smiled as she moved towards the tub sinking in allowing herself to relax in the water.

"You know what I would do first?" He asked her.

"Wash my hair." She answered as she slowly poured water over her hair and began to lather it with her eyes closed imagining the feel of his hands in her hair.

"Then I would take that body wash over there and start with your shoulders." He whispered. "Your breast are amazing right now." He added after a few seconds and she moved her hands down working the suds over them.

"You can thank your child for that." She laughed.

"Are they sore?" He asked as if he was really there touching her.

"No." She shook her head closing her eyes again as she slowly rolled her nipples smiling both at her own pleasure and the slight moan she heard from across the bathroom. Her body remembered the feel his hands and mouth against her breast and began to respond accordingly.

"Raf" She let out is a frustrated moan.

"It's all right My Love, I'll be home to you soon, do what you need for now." He softly encouraged her watching as she moved one hand down below the surface of the water leaving the other on her breast. "I would touch you slowly to start." He paused watching her until he saw her head fall back slightly knowing she was getting close. "Then I would find that rhythm that I know you like." He said trying to make her pleasure last a little longer.

"Raf" she moaned again, and he smiled.

"Then I would find that spot, just the right spot exactly how you like it." He encouraged her watching as the hand that had been on her breast moved to the side of the tub grasping it as her body tightened as she began to climax and then slowly relax against the tub.

She slowly turned her face back towards the iPad, "Do we have time for me to return the favor?" She asked with a satisfied smile on her face.

Rafael smiled back at her, "I wish but I need to get to work, but trust me when I say you've given me plenty to think about tonight when I get done."

Olivia let out a slight laugh, "Don't be too distracted while working. I love you Rafael."

"I love you too Liv, I'll do my best to call in the morning." He said before hanging up.

BarsonBarsonBarson

A few days later shortly after breakfast the doorbell rang and Noah and Liv were surprised to see Rollins, Carisi, and Jessie at their door.

"Hey Guys, what's going on?" Liv asked.

"Well, Jessie and I were heading to the park and thought Noah might want to go play a little soccer." Carisi answered.

"Yes! Please Mommy!" Noah begged.

Liv smiled, "Why do I have a feeling my fiancé called you. Yes, of course you can go Noah, listen to Uncle Sonny. Thank you Carisi."

"Yay!" The boy responded and quickly gathered his things to leave for the park.

"So I guess we have a Girl's Day, what should we do?" Liv asked Amanda.

"Well, according to Barba a car should be here for us any minute." Amanda explained.

"A car? Where are we going?" Liv asked wondering what Rafael had planned.

Amanda pulled two envelopes from her purse, "He said to pick one."

"That man…" Liv answered shaking her head picking the envelope in her left hand in opening it.

"Apartments, apparently we are going to look at apartments." Liv said dryly.

"Quick see what the other one was." Amanda suggested.

"Wedding reception locations." Liv answered opening the other envelope.

"He couldn't have put a spa day in one of them?" Amanda laughed.

"Rafael is rather practical in his romantic gestures at times." Olivia laughed. "Well I guess we need a place to live before we need a place for our wedding reception. Let's get to it."

Olivia had to admit she enjoyed her day with a friend and looking for a new place to live was much easier without a five year old along. Rafael had of course done thorough research into the suggestions places he found. Finding a three bedroom apartment in Manhattan in their budget that was convenient to Noah's school and the precinct wasn't easy but he had compiled a good list. At the end of the day she and Amanda had narrowed it down to two that she like best.

Later that night when Rafael called she filled him in on the details of the ones that she liked.

"The one I think I like the most has a nice sized courtyard area and even a small playground." She told him, "There is only one problem."

"What's that?" He asked.

"We would have to move in before you got home." She explained.

"And you would have to pack and unpack everything by yourself." He finished.

"Well not just that but don't you want to see the place you are going to be living before I commit to it?" She asked.

Rafael shrugged, "As long as you, Noah, and the baby are there I am fine. I trust you."

Olivia smiled, "All right then, I guess we have a new home. I'll call the relator tomorrow."

Rafael nodded, "And I will find packers and movers, it's the least I can do."

Two weeks later Liv was standing in the middle of their new apartment looking at the boxes around her while Noah ran from room to room.

"I can see the playground from my bedroom Mommy!" He exclaimed. "Can we go play on it?"

"In the morning Noah, right now we need to have dinner." OF course then she realized that they had no food in their new apartment and she had no idea which box had the dishes. "What do you say we find out what kind of restaurants are in this new neighborhood? " 

Noah quickly agreed and they walked through their new neighborhood until they found a pizza place. They talked to the owner Noah telling him all about how his Mommy was a police officer and he Pappi was in Turkey but would be home soon, and then he was going to be a big brother. Oliva smiled watching him pleased to see how well he was handling all the changes in his life.

"Mommy, can I sleep in your bed tonight? My new room is a little scary." He told her though when they got back to the new apartment.

"Yes, we will unpack your nightlight and all your things tomorrow to make your room feel better but tonight you can sleep with me." She told him.

He was fast asleep when Rafael called that night, "I see you've got another man in our bed." He said with a laugh.

"Yes, his room is a little scary still, we'll get it set up tomorrow. " She explained.

"No rush Liv, he's got a lot of changes going on, I expect it won't be the last time he's in our bed." He said.

"No, probably not, then soon enough there will be four of us in it." She said then remembered something, "Speaking of that look what I managed to set up tonight." She told him moving the iPad to see a bassinet next to the bed.

"Wow, that's for our baby." He said in amazement.

Olivia smiled, "I know we have plenty of time but I wanted him or her to have a place here like the rest of us."

"You know we could find out if it is him or her right?" He reminded her.

Olivia rolled her eyes, "Yes, Rafael I am well aware of that but I also still say I have experienced most of this pregnancy without you and I want to experience that with you."

"Great, then we can find out when I get home next week." He countered.

"Nope, we've waited this long we can wait until he or she arrives." Liv said again. "But good try Counselor."

"Fine," He said with a slight pout, "Liv can you believe I'm coming home next week? Six months ago could you have imagined any of this?"

Olivia looked at Noah sleeping on her bed in their new apartment, her stomach and back at Rafael talking to her for halfway across the world.

"No, six months ago when you left I didn't think you would really come back to me. When you left for Turkey I thought the story of us was finished, what I didn't know was it was just the prologue."

"We're going to write the greatest story ever Liv, I promise you." He told her as he watched her begin to yawn. "Kiss Noah for me and get some sleep My Love, this time next week I will be holding you next to him."

TBC

A/N I apologize for the long wait between chapters, my summer schedule is crazy and I really wanted to give this story the attention that it deserves. Thank you so much to everyone who messaged and asked for an update. I promise the one will come much quicker.


	9. Perfect

"I don't see him Mommy." Noah whined standing on his tiptoes trying to search the crowd.

"He'll be here soon, Love." Olivia reassured him her own anticipation growing.

"Pick me up so I can see." He begged. Olivia bent down and scooped him up even though she knew that she probably shouldn't. The little boy's entire world had been turned completely upside down the last few months and all he wanted was to see his Pappi. He wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her check.

"I'll always be your first baby." He whispered.

Olivia smiled and kissed the top of his head, "Always"

She thought back to the previous evening, they had just finished dinner when Noah said something that caught her completely off guard.

" _I don't think I want Rafa and the baby to live with us. I think they should stay at Rafa's apartment and we can go to the park together on Saturdays." Noah told her._

 _Olivia looked at him in surprise, "Noah Rafa and the baby are going to live with us, we are going to be a family. Rafa wants to be your Pappi. I thought that's you wanted too."_

" _But you and I are already a family," He protested._

" _Yes, but now we will be a bigger family." She explained._

" _Well maybe Rafa could live with us and be my Pappi but the baby could live somewhere else." He offered._

 _Olivia smiled at him and carried him over to the couch understanding what he was thinking now._

" _Noah you know that you are still my baby even when this baby comes right?" she asked him._

" _But I'm not a baby anymore, I'm going to kindergarten, and …" He paused for a moment._

" _And what?" Olivia asked him gently._

" _And I was never your real baby like this baby is. I was never in your tummy Grandma Shelia said I was in Ellie's tummy." He said tears beginning to fall from his brown eyes. "What if you and Rafa love this new baby because it was in your tummy and you don't want me anymore?"_

" _Oh Noah, Rafa and I love you more every day. It doesn't matter that you were never in my tummy because you have always been in my heart. I can't wait to meet your brother or sister but you will always be my first baby." She did her best to reassure him._

" _Always?" he asked her._

" _Always" She told him again._

Rafael pushed his way impatiently through the crowd, spotting them before they saw him. He took a moment just to take them in. His son wrapped tightly in the arms of the woman he loved. Noah was whispering something in her ear and Olivia whispered something back as she smiled and kissed him. She was dressed in a long black sundress that hung over her stomach where their baby was growing. He was certain he had never seen a more beautiful sight.

He was shaken from his thoughts when he heard Noah squeal in delight, "Pappi!" as he climbed down from Olivia's arms and ran to him. Rafael quickly dropped to his knees and opened his arms.

"Hijo!" He said gathering the boy as close as he could. " te extrane."

"I missed you too Pappi."

Rafael balanced his carry-on bag and Noah as he stood as he made his way to Olivia. He stopped in front of her, set down his bag and shifted Noah to his side and placed a hand on the side of her face, "Hi, future Mrs. Barba."

"Hi" she barely got out before his lips were on hers and she threw her arms around his neck. Rafael pulled back as he felt a kick between himself and Olivia at first he thought it was Noah but his eyes grew big as he realized it was the baby. "Was that…?" 

Olivia smiled as she reached out and took Noah from him, "Yes, Sweetheart, that's the baby."

He knelt down and put his hands on her stomach, "Pappi is home Little One, and I'm never leaving you, your brother or Mommy again." He promised.

He stood back up took Noah back and set him gently to the ground taking his hand in one and Liv's in the other, "Why don't you guys show me where I'm going to be living?"

BarsonBarsonBarsonBarson

Over the next few weeks before Rafael started at Columbia and Noah kindergarten they began to settle into a family life together. Oliva went to work and the boys would spend the day together going to the park, and the museum, and finishing unpacking things in the apartment.

"I was thinking Liv…" Rafael said one night as they were getting ready for bed, "I really want to finalize Noah's adoption before the baby gets here. In fact I would really like to do it before he starts school."

"Raf, he starts school next week." She pointed out.

"I know and I want him starting school as my son legally, I don't want there to be any problems." He explained. "Besides, what kid wants to change his last name half way through kindergarten?"

Olivia pulled him on the bed next to her and kissed him, "You really are the best father ever, you know that right? I'm not sure if we can get it finalized that quickly. "

"You let me worry about that, I have a few strings left that I can pull." He told her, "Now about that last name." He said as he placed kissed down her neck.

Olivia rolled her eyes, "If this is your attempt to change my mind it's not a very good one." She laughed.

Rafael propped himself up next to her brushing her hair back from her face, "I just don't want you to make a decision you're going to regret."

Olivia pulled him back for another kiss, "My Love, if I regret any of the decisions I'm making my last name is going to be the least of my worries. "

"We could hyphenate." He said not for the first time.

"That's too much for the kids." She said also not for the first time. "Why is it so hard for you to understand I am all right with being Mrs. Lieutenant Olivia Barba?"

"I don't want you to feel like you are giving anything up." He explained.

"Rafa, of course I am giving something up, we both are giving things up. I'm no expert but I think that's how marriage works. I want our family to have one last name and I want it to be Barba. Now could you please stop arguing with your pregnant fiancé? "

Rafael smiled down at her, "Is there something that my pregnant fiancé would prefer I do with her?"

"Let her sleep?" She laughed.

BarsonBarsonBarsonBarsonBarson

"I think I've changed my mind." Liv said tentatively from where she was studying her reflection in the mirror.

Rafael rolled his eyes assuming she was talking about her outfit, "Liv, you look great, and we have got to go."

"Not the outfit, the adoption and the wedding." She explained still looking at her reflection.

She could almost hear Raf choke back the words he wanted to say, finally coughed out, "Excuse me? We are due in the judge's chambers in an hour and now you are having second thoughts?"

"I guess I just realized that when we finalize the adoption Noah will officially be Noah Barba, then when the baby comes his or her last name will be Barba, I will be the only one left out." She tried to explain.

"Liv, Sweetheart, I'm sorry but I'm not following you. Are you saying you now want to wait and finalize the adoption after the wedding next spring?" He asked feeling his heart begin to break, wondering if this was her looking for a way out.

"No, Rafael look at me." She said a smile crossing her face. She watched as he looked her over trying to understand what she was saying. His face went from frustration, to confusion, then an uncertain smile took over as he gazed at the long, white lace sundress she was wearing.

"Liv, what are you saying?" He asked

"I'm saying I changed my mind, I want to get married today, in about an hour in fact." She explained

"But what about the big wedding, the church, doing things the right way?" He asked

"Being married to you as soon as possible is the right way." She told him as took his hands, "I want to get married today, if that's all right with you."

"Olivia Benson, almost Barba you drive me crazy in every way possible. Let's go get married and finalize an adoption. "He said before kissing her then pulling her by the hand out of the bedroom.

An hour later the three of them were standing in the crowded judge's chambers along with Lucia, Lucy, Fin, Carisi and Amanda.

"We are truly here today to join a family together, Olivia and Rafael do you have things you wish to say to each other?" The judge asked them. They both nodded and the judge motioned for Oliva to go first.

"Rafael, nobody has ever loved me the way that you do. You have stood by me through the worst days of my life, you have loved me enough to fight for me and to fight with me. I didn't want to let you love me and I didn't want to love you. Yet there you were breaking down all of my walls with your steadiness and strength, for the first time I didn't always have to be the strong one. You saw me at my worst and most vulnerable and you still kept coming back. Still I kept you at a safe distance until I realized I might lose you. I never want to lose you Rafael, I want to be loved the way that only you can love me for the rest of my life. I want to give you that same kind of love for the rest of your life." Olivia said as she fought back tears.

Rafael squeezed her hand, "Olivia, one conversation with you was all it took to turn my life completely upside down. I didn't know what to do with you but I could not stay away from you either. You took everything I thought I wanted and washed it away. You made me want to be a better man a man who cared about people first. I could see this vision you had for what the world should be and I wanted to share that vision with you, to help make it happen. When I almost cost us everything you showed up and refused to let go, then when I said I needed to go you didn't try and hold me back. Now you are standing here giving me a family. Olivia, every good thing I have or have ever done can be traced back to you. I promise to live everyday showing you how grateful I am for that."

"Do we have rings?" The judge asked.

"I have them!" Noah answered enthusiastically handing them to the judge the way Rafael had told him to.

They exchanged their rings repeating their vows after the judge never losing eye contact with each other. Rafael took Olivia's face in his hand kissing her tenderly when the judge said he could kiss the bride. He pronounced them husband and wife then and the tiny room erupted with applause.

"Now on to step to of joining this family." The judge laughed. He asked Rafael if he had anything he would like to say to Noah before he finalized the adoption. Rafael knelt down and looked Noah is the eye.

"Noah, you were the first baby that I ever held. I was scared to death and had no idea what I was doing. I was so afraid that I would hurt you. You had already been so much and I just wanted to help your mom keep you safe. The thought of being your dad still scares me sometimes because I still don't know what I am doing, but I know that I love you and there is nothing I won't do to make sure you grow up knowing you are loved." He promised his son.

Later that night after everyone had left the celebration and Noah was fast asleep Olivia and Rafael sat curled up on the couch together.

"Are you sure it was enough of a wedding for you?" Rafael asked.

"It was more than enough, Love. All though one thing did occur to me." She said explained.

"What's that?" He asked as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"We didn't get to dance."

Rafael stood up and offered her his hand while pulling up a song on his phone, then taking her into his arms. "Well I can fix that."

I found a love for me

Darling just dive right in

And follow my lead

Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet

I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Not knowing what it was

I will not give you up this time

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own

And in your eyes you're holding mine

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath

But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know

She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home

I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets

To carry love, to carry children of our own

We are still kids, but we're so in love

Fighting against all odds

I know we'll be alright this time

Darling, just hold my hand

Be my girl, I'll be your man

I see my future in your eyes

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful

I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight

"Is this all right?" He asked softly.

"It's perfect, everything is perfect." She answered as he rested her head on his shoulder.

TBC

Song lyrics by Ed Sheeran


End file.
